Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
