ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
