thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
