Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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