dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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