He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
