You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
