OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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