wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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