if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
