I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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