just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
