A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
one might say we're banned from that church
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
