dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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