Betty ford says i'm here all night
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
