If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
