Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
