i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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