I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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