i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
