Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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