Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
