I wish I could teleport
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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