I wish I could teleport
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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