I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
