So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
