I want to have your abortion
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
