so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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