Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
