I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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