so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
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My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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