You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
