i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
