The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
