hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
the liver wants what the liver wants
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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