I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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