I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
