Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
