I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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