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Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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