so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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