I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
