Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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