Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
