Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
