How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
