he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
