Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
