okay pat passed out under dana's car
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
