the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
