I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
