best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
