I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
