Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
