sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
