Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
