After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize