I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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