last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
