My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
