break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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