areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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