Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
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