oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
